Fruitcake

It's the holidays coming up soon, time for a fruit cake recipe.
Here's my favorite recipe for fruit cake.
(and remember, there is only one kind of whiskey....JACK!!!!!)

You'll need the following: a cup of water, a cup of sugar,
four large eggs, two cups of dried fruit, a teaspoon of
baking soda, a teaspoon of salt, a cup of brown sugar,
lemon juice, nuts, and a bottle of whisky.

Sample the whisky to check for quality.
Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again. To be sure it is the
highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on
the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy
bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.

Make sure the whisky is still OK. Cry another tup. Turn off
the mixerer. Break two leggs and add to the bowl and
chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the
fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a
drewscriver.

Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two
cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whisky.
Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table.
Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.

Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget
to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window,
check the whisky again and go to bed.

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