"Actual" dialog of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee:

TECH: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
CUST: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
TECH: "What sort of trouble?"
CUST: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
TECH: "Went away?"
CUST: "They disappeared."
TECH: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
CUST: "Nothing."
TECH: "Nothing?"
CUST: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
TECH: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
CUST: "How do I tell?"
TECH: "Can you see the "C" prompt on the screen?"
CUST: "What's a sea-prompt?"
TECH: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
CUST: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
TECH: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
CUST: "What's a monitor?"
TECH: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
CUST: "I don't know."
TECH: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
CUST: "...Yes, I think so."
TECH: "Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
CUST: "...Yes, it is."
TECH: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
CUST: "No."
TECH: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
CUST: "...Okay, here it is."
TECH: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
CUST: "I can't reach."
TECH: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
CUST: "No."
TECH: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
CUST: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark."
TECH: "Dark?"
CUST: "Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
TECH: "Well, turn on the office light then."
CUST: "I can't."
TECH: "No? Why not?"
CUST: "Because there's a power outage."
TECH: "A power... a power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
CUST: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
TECH: "Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
CUST: "Really? Is it that bad?"
TECH: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
CUST: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
TECH: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."

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